The mantra "move with love" got me through a panic attack

A little over a week ago, on Easter Sunday morning, I had a major breakdown.

 It is called by many names. Panic attack, hysteria, temper tantrum, so many words to describe maybe the most subjective and indescribable human condition. 

The precipitating factors for this particular moment of mental health struggle, as well as my initial reaction, do not need to be recounted. I had a temporary break from rational thinking and I was unable to manage my emotional reaction at the time. 

It wasn’t one of my finer moments.

I spent several hours walking around my neighborhood. I walked to my local dispensary. (Yes, I am a medical marijuana user, but that’s a blog post for another day). I passed by many churches this Easter Sunday morning. This year happened to also fall on the stoner holiday 4/20. My local dispensary was the most crowded I had ever seen that Sunday morning. You would’ve thought it was a hip (cheap) college bar on Thirsty Thursday night.

None of the many churches I passed had a crowd like the dispensary. Some could argue that this is a sad depiction of the demise of our society. Or maybe it is an illustration of the mistrust people hold for the churches and institutions that sat back and not only allowed Trump to take office again, but in many cases worked actively to get him there. And now the rest of us are here trying to exist in this hellscape by putting our faith in an ancient herb to numb reality. So really, is it that surprising that more people frequented the dispensary on Easter Sunday than church? Right now, we are living in a world that feels like a rigged pressure cooker ready to explode. Which was basically my mental state that morning. 

In my lowest of moments the words “move with love” came to me. It’s been my mantra ever since. At that moment I started repeating the phrase over and over again. I began to pair the repetition with my breath and stride. When my brain inevitably tried to return to the flight, fight or freeze reaction, I came back to those three words. Move with love. I used it as my anchor back to the present. I got myself through the darkness and used intentional, loving movement back to the light. 

I’ve been doing ok ever since. For me, the recovery from an event like that can sometimes be a rough landing. That full story is probably for another blog post at another time.  Suffice to say my mantra of moving with love became even more crucial in bringing me back to a balanced state. Sometimes weathering the storm and the clean up afterwards is required to find the light. 

Kara continues to improve her mental health by roller skating outdoors a week after her breakdown.

None of us can control the precipitating factors. And for those of us that struggle with mental health, we often can’t control the reaction and aftermath. Our response is where we can shift the energy toward love. We can choose love with the thoughts we make, the movements we take, the silence and stillness we accept. In the darkest of moments when it feels like all we have is a breath, breathe with love. Self love is a practice of showing up for yourself and it starts through breathing with intention. That intention, that love, will radiate not only within yourself but will spread to everything and everyone around you. Start with the breath. Go forth from there. Use the mantra as often as needed. Start again as needed. Just move with love in whatever you do and we’ll be alright. 

I am trying to put more music in my brain vs the usual true crime podcast.

Music helps me stay present and mindful.

Music inspires me to move with love.

I created this playlist.

Listen if you would like.

Maybe it'll inspire something within you.